breathe through the stress

I've been MIA on this here blog for a hot minute. Ha, see what I did there, hot... minute.

And, tonight while in class I got to thinking. I thought about how when I was doing my 30 day challenge, so much of the benefit that I took away from the challenge was in the blog reflection after the class.

So, today in class, the instructor said something that struck me. He's said this before, because, well, he always has the same anecdotes, but it struck me differently today. When the standing series is over and we go into our first savasana, he always tells the class that this is the time for us to listen to our bodies and breath through the fleeing feeling. You know that uneasiness you get, the crazy upset feeling, this is when you teach yourself to breathe through it.

And, you know, it's true. If I'm willing to stop and think about the lessons I'm learning in yoga and I am willing to try to apply it to my life then the rest of the relationships in my life will be better for it.

Lately, I've not been dealing with unexpected delays or stresses. I've been quick to flip a switch and that isn't fair to the people who spend time with me. I'm going to start applying yoga to my life and breathe through that feeling you get in your stomach, when something just isn't right.

I'm still sweatin

So guys, it occurred to me, just now, yeah, right this moment, that I haven't been updating you on the ever so juicy details of my bikram life.

Last time I posted, I believe I told you all just how sad I was feeling. Well, hopefully, you'll all be very glad to know that I am past that. Like I had sort of expected, the sadness eventually just ended. So, that is what I wanted to tell you.

But, also, I was thinking about my yoga practice today. I took a class with a new teach last night, which I had all but written off as now that I finally have a home studio. There is a certain excitement I get when I have a new teacher. I like to tell myself it's because a new teacher means a new personality and possibly a new bit of dialogue or anecdote. But, if I'm being totally honest, I think it is also because I get a chance to show off. I don't have the best practice, but when I feel like I'm impressing a new teacher I really like to show them that I'm a hard worker.

So, last night my "standing separate leg stretching" was so good! I was so close to finally touching my head to the ground. I also just watched a video that I found online talking about all the benefits of this posture and it made me even more excited about the fact that I put so much effort into it. I get so excited when I hear about the benefits each posture gives my body. It is a real boost to my practice, and it can be to yours too!

Disappearing Act

Hello my darling readers. I appreciate your attention, I do. I only wish that I could provide you with as much entertainment as you truly deserve. 

I mentioned recently that I might start a new challenge. I went 7 days in a row, and then stopped. I am back in the studio but can't find the motivation to stay in the studio. I'm sad. I'm really sad lately and part of me thinks that yoga will help, while another part of me thinks that yoga will just distract me from the feeling and once I stop I'll be worse for the wear.

I'm sad because I'm single again... well, I'm not sad because I'm single. I don't have a problem with being unattached. I'm sad because the person I'm no longer with was a really great person. He was the kind of person I wanted to be in a relationship with. I got into yoga to be happier, to love me so much that I wouldn't need a relationship to feel loved and it worked. And then this relationship just happened, and this relationship worked, and it could have worked for so many different reasons, but I really thought it was because I dedicated myself to finding this lasting and fulfilling relationship. So, now that we broke up and that relationship didn't work, it just kind of feels like maybe I failed. So, I'm sad. And, I'm having a really hard time getting past the sad. 

When I'm in the studio, I feel that fine, but that is only 90 minutes a day. And it feels like something is missing the rest of the time. 

Finding Balance

I've been in the yoga studio a lot lately. But, if you're reading this, then, you know that. So, I'm sorry for boring you with the trivial opener.

Anyway, I've been noticing that the class feels easier for me lately. I don't know what is different, maybe I've hit a stride, maybe a plateau. I can't say. I can say that even in the relative "ease" of these classes, I'm noticing that I feel very off balance. I used to love my standing bow pulling pose, but I haven't been able to stay straight on that position for more than a couple seconds in any of these classes I'm going to. I'm noticing that in eagle pose I'm leaning to the side and even in the savasana's I constantly feel like I'm laying on a slant. I'm not laying on a slant, that is proposterous, the floor is definitely not slanted... so what is it?

I'll tell you what I think it is; perhaps my inability to find balance in the class is representative of my inability to focus outside the studio. I've been struggling with that over the last week or two and I'm not sure how to take control of it. I truly believe that it starts in the studio, so at least I'm doing that.

I don't have the answers today. I'm expecting enlightenment soon. Check back with me later.

Feels Like Home

I never really put much thought into it before, because, I can't imagine my life today without yoga, but I wonder if I had started my journey with bikram in a different studio if I would love it as much as I do today. I set out about a month and a half ago to complete a "new challenge." I didn't complete it, and I think that this was due in large part to the lack of community I felt in the studio I was going to. Honestly, it also had to do with a lack of commitment to the challenge. I guess, if I went to bikram classes for the sole purpose of burning calories or for the purpose of trying to impress other people, then I would be fine in that studio. The fact is,  I don't do it for either of those reasons. I do it because I appreciate the meditation, I appreciate the diligence, and I appreciate the potential for growth in my practice and in the way I perceive everything.

With that, I've decided that I'm no longer going to search for a deal. The studio I started at feels good to me. The people are my people. That is enough. Also, it is almost my year anniversary with bikram yoga. I started over memorial day weekend last year and as I write this, that is approximately a month from now. Does that feel like a challenge to you? Because it feels like one to me? I don't know. I'm chewing on it for now. I started going to classes on Monday. I went on Tuesday too, and I intend to go this afternoon. 3 days down. Maybe I'll just keep going. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Things I don't get

Ok, ok, I know that yoga is supposed to be about inner peace and removing judgment and mediation and all that good for your soul kind of stuff. But, sometimes things happen in a class that I just don't get.

There is something about the new studio I'm at. I've gone to two morning classes, and both have an oddly high ratio of old people in it. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that these geriatrics are partaking in Bikram. I hope that I am still doing it when I'm 100 too. But, I have noticed that when you get old, you also get stubborn. The G-team (a name I think I will begin to call them) doesn't listen to the instructions from the teacher. They don't adjust postures that they are doing incorrectly. They don't wear the right clothes... for the love of god, one woman was wearing a sauna suit IN A BIKRAM YOGA CLASS! The studio is 105 freaking degrees and at least 40% humidity - why on earth are you wearing a sauna suit!?

Anyway this G-team is full of stubborn old ladies who wear sauna suits and pants to class. So they can't see their knees and they can't straighten their legs, and when the instructor tells them to lock their knee they can't see if they are locking it, and they don't care. They are going to kick out whether or not their standing leg is locked and they are going to get all huffy puffy when they are corrected. The G-team ruins my yoga vibe. Bad energy all up in that studio. I miss Williamsburg... I kind of can't wait for this challenge to be over so I can go back to the studio that feels like summer camp. But, gosh darn it if I don't get my money's worth in this intro month!

well, another class down...

Happy Sweats! and try not to let that G-team ruin your vibe.

don't look at her, look at you!

I was in a class last night that I really enjoyed. It was a stupid kind of crowded, but the teacher had a great attitude and made everyone feel really welcome in the class. He was actually one of the best teachers I have had in awhile.

With bikram, you start to fall into a pattern. You do poses at a level that is comfortable for you, which isn't the point. The point is to push yourself out of your comfort level. The point is to experience something new in your body and your ability. I think the yoga teacher I had last night really did that. His focus was really on core strength, and let me tell you, I feel it today! From the very first pranayama breathing exercise to the very last one, I can think of at least one or two corrections I made in each pose. It should be noted, that where I was standing, I couldn't actually see myself in any of the poses, so every adjustment I made was based on feeling my body and listening to my body.

At one point he was making a correction in one person's pose and I snuck a look to see what he was talking about. He saw that, and told me "don't look at her, look at you." It's an important lesson, in the yoga studio and in life. You can't improve yourself if you're too busy watching other people correct their problems.

And, there-in-lies the lesson for today.

Happy Sweats!