The Final Hump

I am gonna be honest, I was half dreading going to class tonight. I don't know why - the combination of having a tortured class on Saturday and missing class yesterday to tend to my post-Halloween hangover. So, today it took me everything to just get over myself and make it to class.

I was pleasantly surprised to arrive at the studio and see that it was a different teacher. A teacher I hadn't had since the beginning of my challenge, but one who I enjoyed then and was looking forward to all of a sudden I was looking forward to class... sort of.

Well the instructor reminded us every once in awhile how important it is to enjoy and be happy during the practice. "why so serious." It helps to laugh. Also, I was inspired to try harder by the guy who set up in front of me. I'd never seen him before, and given the number of classes I'd been to this month, that is rare. But he was a very good yogi. His focus inspired my focus. I did better because he did well.

That is what class should be. It should be like anything you try to do. You can do everything better when you have a support system and a common goal.

Only 6 more days. And double classes this weekend to make up for missing days. I will do this. I can do this!

Hell is not Hot

Yesterday was a freak snow storm in October! I trudged through sleet to get to yoga, and because MTA can't function in weather I was just a little late to class. It wasn't a great class for me though. I'm sore and my hamstrings are tight and my balance was off yesterday. Plus, I couldn't get to the yoga part of the class. I was too antsy to enjoy the meditation and just wanted to be moving. I feel like I have one tough class a week.

On the way to the train after yoga the snow flurries had turned into a hail-like snow - little ice bullets. I overheard a woman say "this is hell" to which I immediately thought, but hell is hot. I got to thinking and even after just leaving a bad class in a 105 degree room, hell is most definitely not hot. It is cold.

Our Halloween party was last night. Every year, the day after halloween is a lost day. I'm thinking that yoga might not happen today. I'll make up the class, but I don't think I'm going to go today. I'm ok with that.

Yoga is Killing my Social Life

If I've learned anything it is that being in a relationship with myself and going on daily yoga dates is social suicide. I'm lucky, because of this blog and because of my constant need to be in touch, basically everyone I know understands that this is a temporary respite from socializing. However, I must say, I feel like that girl who ditches all her friends and good times to stay at home and watch a movie on the couch with her boyfriend. I don't want to be that girl. To make the occasional sacrifice for a relationship is fair. To constantly have to say no to invitations is not my style. I love and cherish my ability to say yes to last minute plans.

I love what this experience is giving to me. I love that I've made and kept a commitment, but I'm ready for some breathing room. I'm looking forward to nights out without the nagging feeling that I need to get home and sleep so I can go to class the next day. I'll be celebrating when this is over and then changing my relationship with Yoga so that it can enhance my life versus become my life.

Everything Smells Like Bikram

If you've ever walked into a Bikram studio, you know what I'm talking about. It's not wholly unpleasant, but it's definitely not what walking into a spa smells like. It's not body odor. Considering the sheer number of bodies that are sweating in a studio on any given day, you'd think it would smell much worse than it actually does. But, it is a kind of mildew-ish smell. I think that is the best description for it.

I have Febrezed (should that word be capitalized? It is a product name... sometimes proper grammar escapes me)everything in my room. I have disinfected my mat. I have left clothes on my patio to air dry and I finally bought a wall air freshener. But the smell is following me everywhere I go! It's a constant reminder of this life I have chosen. I know other's can't smell it on me, believe me, I've asked. Hah, imagine it, me asking my co-workers and friends to give me a whiff, just make sure it's not apparent to everyone, thanks. I wonder if it is just in my head. It's not in my head. The difference between me and the rest of the world, is that I am able to identify that not wholly unpleasant smell and it reminds me of my mornings and evenings spent in the studio.

The hilarious realization of wind removing posture

The first floor series posture is, as it turns out aptly named "wind removing posture." With your knees first individually and then together pulled into your chest, I always assumed, and have until tonight always experienced, the wind removed through my breath. The instructor normally mentions the colon, but I always considered that a side note, never a main event of the posture, which puts severe pressure on my hips and compression in my abdomen.

Tonight, I believe I discovered the true intentions of wind removing. thank god I spent all that time learning to listen to my body. Otherwise things could have gotten real. I dont think I ate anything particularly wind inducing, but I'll be, if there wasn't a credible threat of a wind-removing attack from the less ideal end. I wish I was more embarrassed as I write this, I might be if I hadn't paid attention to the warning signs, but the crisis was averted, and I giggled like a baby as I slowly released the pose.

Distractions

I think that it was inevitable that I would have a wonky class last night. As I was leaving work to head to the studio, I said to a friend that I wasn't feeling it. My stomach felt off, my legs felt sore, my head felt light and this was before I even got into the hot room. But, not going is not an option, so I went.

The class was annoyingly full for a Tuesday night. And there were three totally new to bikram students in the room. Since I've been practicing at this studio, I haven't been in a class with a total BV (bikram virgin). Last night's class had two men that appeared to be in their first yoga class ever. Giggling and unfocused the whole class, and my luck, right in my view. Looking at myself in the mirror, it was so easy to let my focus drift and see tipple topple behind me fall out of awkward pose, fall out of eagle, out of standing head to knee... Oddly, though, in spite of the distraction I managed to get a pretty good workout in. I've been looking at pictures (some posted) and watching videos and challenging myself to push past my comfort and into a deeper expression.

My standing bow was awesome and I went so deep into camel that when I was looking at the floor. That being said, I had a really hard time recovering from camel and ended up sitting out for most of the last poses. My body is not as achy as it has been, but my legs feel really heavy lately. I have come to terms that I am stronger than I am stretchy. But, I would really love to get stretchier. Maybe... stretch outside of class? I don't know. If you have suggestions for developing flexibility I'm all ears.

Up before the sun, down before the 10 p.m. news

So, it turns out that when you wake up really early, you naturally want to go to sleep really early. Seriously, it's 9:55 as I'm writing this and my eyes are feeling heavy. Maybe it's for the best. I don't know for sure, but I think I'm snoring less and I'm sleeping deeper. I remember hearing somewhere that you don't snore when you dream, so my dreams tell me that I'm sleeping quiet. Maybe this is a positive side effect of the yoga, maybe it's a positive side effect of going to sleep sober more often. Who can say?


Sometimes I go to websites like this and I'm simultaneously inspired and intimidated. I suppose this is the deepest expression you can go into each pose which makes me want to go back and try harder next time. It is a good reminder that I probably have years more of yoga before I finally reach this point - http://www.bikramyogamelbourne.com.au/gallery-postures.html








one day soon, I hope to have pictures of me doing these poses. I will need to find a willing photgrapher.

Meet my Boyfriend... Me....

So, it's becoming clear to me that I'm going to have to seriously consider the direction this blog is going to take come the end of my journey. Here I am on day 17 and I have no clear idea of how to keep going once the 30 day challenge is over. I guess a part of me just considered dropping off the map entirely and hoping people occasionally stumbled upon my musings about this challenge. The other option is this... I let you all in on my true motivations for the challenge. I don't think I've taken the time to explain myself, and if you've been reading this whole time, then it's time you get to hear the juicy stuff.

This challenge is more than a physical challenge. It is an emotional challenge too. It was born out of a need to learn to carry myself with or without the help of a boyfriend. I have hinted at this before. I mentioned once or twice that I was getting distracted by boys or that I was nervous about how I would handle being in a social situation where there would be temptations. Well, this is because for the duration of this challenge I am actually in a relationship with me. The rules are simple, don't do anything that would upset my partner in any other relationship -- I've personally always considered kissing a cheat, so that is off limits. Flirting is ok, but only reciprocated, not initiated. And do everything that I would do to make my partner happy in a relationship -- check in often, cook nice dinners, go on dates and show him off to my friends. I have deliberately left out the physical parts in the "do" list. Well, that's just because that isn't the part of me "in a relationship" that needs to be better. Although, that might be the part I miss the most. Anyway, I need to be in a relationship with myself so that I can be the best me the next time I'm in a relationship with someone else. Also, more importantly, once I've learned that I can be the best with or without a boyfriend, I will be less inclined to settle into relationships which are fatally flawed from the beginning.

This is a hard concept to convey to most people. I've talked about it and I feel like every time I explain myself people think I'm just joking. I'm not joking - this is super serious. It's becoming tough though. I am literally starting to find every man attractive. It's ironic, really (at least I think it's ironic, I'm still not very good at the concept of irony). But, I'm actually in the best physical shape I've been in... ever. Granted, I'm a little sore, but I'm basically as flexible as ever and I'm thinner and more toned than I've been in ages. I'm really enjoying this body. I spend a long time looking in the mirror in the morning and I've been lingering in front of any full length reflection I see all over NYC.

I know this is kind of an abrupt ending, but I'm out of stuff to say. So, I'll be back around later today to talk about my yoga class this morning. Don't sweat it....or, actually, go ahead and sweat it.

First class down today, second one starts in 15 minutes. Feeling really great after the first and I think I am even looking forward to the second.


....later on...


I almost prefer the double class. I don't want to make a habit of it, because I feel like in large part the challenge is to get there every day, but I also can't put important things in my life on hold for this. The point of this challenge, in large part, was to identify those things that make me happy and learn to savor and appreciate that. So, tomorrow (today, since I'm posting this a day late) I have definitively important plans to go out with two of my favorite couples in the world who both happen to be in New York at the same time, and if that keeps me from a class Monday morning,  that is worth it. That helps me to better appreciate this challenge, to want to keep it going. It helps me to accomplish the most important goal I set out for myself off learning how to make myself happy irrespective of my relationship status.

CRAZY CAMEL!

I just found this video of a "proper" camel pose...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=S-r3ID-wUas

I do NOT look like this in camel pose... guess I have something to aspire to. I think you have to copy and past the link, unfortunately, my novice blog posting skills need some work...

And there is this too - which is incredibly inspiring http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=9-rxYWsNPI8

Never Know What You're Gonna Get

Yesterday's class was horrible. I could barely stand through standing series, taking a knee for more poses than I actually did. I couldn't get my heart to slow and I couldn't get my eyes to focus. I thought I might die. Really. This, especially coming off of a great standing series on Tuesday, was upsetting. I heard the teacher tell me to get out of my head, and I tried to, but I just couldn't. Luckily she said this when we went into floor series, "time to forget the standing series, this is the floor, it's a totally different practice." My floor series was great! and surprisingly energizing. I went directly home to go to sleep because I knew I had to go to an early class today in order to keep my plans for tonight.

This morning's class was great! Seriously, I was able to do every single posture. both times. I even got to relish in a strong camel again. It's like coming home. I was surprised by this after yesterday's class, and also considering my morning class on Monday when I felt so tired the whole time. What a difference a week makes! It was the first time in weeks that I had a new instructor and I loved her. I should note, that I really like the instructor I had last night too. She teaches a lot of classes during the week and I always feel like she is in my head when she makes comments.

So, now I'm at work. I feel alive and awake and I think I got the absolute best I could out of my yoga experience this morning. I'm excited to go out this evening and really looking forward to this weekend!

I have a question for you guys - I am having a hard time finding a good post-yoga food. If any of you have found that perfect snack/meal to tide you over, please share. I always find that if I try to make a meal after yoga, I'm too famished and I'll just scarf a bowl of cheerios, by the time my food is made, I'm too tired and ready to just go to bed.

Happy Friday!

As It Should Be

I didn't go yesterday. I don't feel bad about it though. I wrote on Tuesday about the need to listen to my body, and even though I woke up at 5:30 Wednesday morning, and actually got dressed for class, I looked in the mirror and admitted to myself that both my head and my body were not in it. I decided in that moment, that going to a 7:00 a.m. class that I was destined to not enjoy was worse than not going at all. I decided to give my body a day to heal and to process the changes happening. I will endure a different challenge when I make up this missed class. The challenge is thirty classes in thirty days, so I'll need to do two classes in one day this weekend. I've never done two in a day, so let's get it done!

I have no regrets about not going to class yesterday. I was unable to go last night because I was volunteering at a Domestic Violence Event. What began as an obligation turned out to be one of the best events I've been to in a long time. I sat there and I listened to women discuss their experiences. I heard a panel of women provide victims and friends of victims with empowering knowledge and resources. I saw first hand that domestic violence does not discriminate. It is a problem at every socioeconomic level, regardless of race, sex, age, creed or religion. On my way home, a woman got on the train to beg for money, her story started like this "I didn't give this black eye to myself..." She ran away from the man that hit her with the clothes on her back and she needed to get somewhere safe. She was really angry and really abrasive, but I knew that this was my challenge for the day. Not Yoga. I didn't have small bills on me to help her with money, but I had a purse full of pamphlets. I pulled her aside handed them all to her and told her to stay safe tonight but to go to the address I gave her in the morning. I helped her the only way I could in the short time we had together on the train. I hope she went to Family Justice this morning. I hope she gets a plan to get home.

I'll go back to class tonight. Pick up my challenge where I left off and, I eagerly await Saturday and my double class.... eeek.

Namaste

Playing Favorites

Doing this challenge is no joke! My body sometimes forgets up from down and it is constantly telling my mind that it has no idea what it is talking about

I used to have favorite poses, because I was good at them. Alot of people dread camel pose because it is a really deep back bend and it makes you kind of nauseous. I love it, usually. Backward bends are where I am most naturally flexible. A teacher recently told me, well a class, that you are either flexible or strong and you have to practice the other one. For the most part I am strong.

So, what I was saying about my mind body disconnect, all of a sudden today I was doing standing head to knee. For months I have been laying a foundation and today I got my second leg straight! What an unexpected, but very welcome accomplishment. Fast forward to camel and I thought my stomach was in my throat and my eyes couldn't focus on anything and with the sweat dripping down my nose I am pretty sure I was water boarding myself. Sometimes I feel like I am breathing in pool water.

So I do play favorites with the poses. But apparently so does my body. I tell myself I love camel and instead I get complimented on my triangle, I remind myself how good I am at fixed firm, but that is the class that I master standing bow. My body has different plans for me. I guess moving forward I will just let it do the talking for those 90 minutes.

Before the Crack of Dawn - Accepting Tail Lights

I rarely see the sun rise. It's just something I don't enjoy all that much. There were a couple days back when I first moved to New York, and before the novelty of 4 a.m. last call wore off, when I would get in the subway when it was dark and come out of the subway when it was day time. This always threw me off, I still never really saw day break because I was underground.

Well, with this challenge, I'm waking up before the sun - and what they say about it being darkest before the dawn, that is really true. I wanted to make some sort of metaphor to go along with it, about how my life is in this transition between night and day, but that is kind of a stretch and I don't mean it metaphorically, I mean it literally. It was dark and chilly and rainy on that bike ride and the sun didn't even come up until after I got to class! I don't think your body can actually wake up when the sun is not out. I know I went to class and I know I kept telling myself to "practice in the moment" (see last post)... but I have only a vague dream-like recollection of the 7:00 a.m. class I took yesterday. Morning classes... all so I can still enjoy dodgeball after work! I really love dodgeball. I wish I was better at it. Look at these tangents.

So, someone stole my light off my bike. I'm kind of bummed about this because I really need them if I'm going to be riding in the morning. I need to know that cars can see me. It's kind of my own fault. I left it on the bike and realized it at the subway on my way to work. I debated going back to my house, but was already late to work and reasoned that there was a good chance nothing would happen. My bike is locked up in front of my apartment, but behind a gate. Anyway, I lost that gamble. I am really only sharing this as a human interest story - one of those "New York's Neediest Cases" -- so if you want to donate a tail light, I'll take it. In fact, I will give it back when I'm done with the challenge, I am sure that my before dawn bike rides will slow down substantially once this is over. Shameless. shameless...

Practicing in the Moment

The easiest way to get through a class is to do each pose. The more present you are in the pose, the quicker they are over and the faster you are at your end goal.

This is absolutely something I need to learn and live in all aspects of my life. I must stop doing for the sake of finishing and start doing for the sake of the experience. I miss too much, and do too many things half as well as I am able because my focus is on the end. Well, I am realizing there is no end. There is always some improvement or some experience or some new goal. That is life, the journey is the destination kind of stuff. So, in addition to the other goals I have set. I also intend to start practicing life in the moment.

Holy moly, let's talk dressing the part

No joke guys, I seriously fret about what to wear to class, is the bra too tight, are these shorts long enough, will this top become see through when I sweat?! These are important questions, a huge chunk of bikram is to wear clothes that allow for maximum sweating and minimum self consciousness. Well let me tell you about the biggest bikram clothing fail I have ever seen, even worse than the time I forgot my sports bra and had to wear my white yoga shirt without a bra (this left little to the imagination, let me tell you... Good thing I am a confident leo type, right?). well, back to what I was saying, let me tell you, there was a girl in my class tonight who was literally wearing a white, cotton bra and granny panty set. I mean, what on earth was she thinking? What!? I say!

So, here's this girl in white cotton skivvies and in my view and it was like a train wreck, I just couldn't look away. Guys, did I mention she was a bikram beginner? She DOES NOT have one of this sick yogi bodies that you picture when you think sweat yoga.  You know I would actually bet she forgot to bring something to change into and she thought to herself, oh I am so glad my bra and underwear match today, I will wear this! Oh, I hope she never stumbles upon this page...

Onto me. I am kind of starting to miss my social life. I have a big day planned for tomorrow, which I hope will at some point allow for me to stop in at Express and purchase these red jeans I have been coveting. That may have to wait til Sunday, but it will happen this weekend. I am quite literally booked all day tomorrow with class in the morning, a trip to the botanical garden in the afternoon and a concert and drinking/dancing in the evening. It may be hard to stay faithful to myself and not seek the attention of a boy while out and about. I liken these thirty days to being in a relationship with myself. I will  respect that relationship the way I would if it was someone else I was being unfaithful to.

I have so many thoughts today. Out is day 7 and I am a quarter of the way through and I measured myself. Lost 3lbs and 1 inch on my hips and a half inch on my waist. I am also noticing the spider veins (btw, f spider veins, I am too young for these!) around my thigh look much lighter... Is that a possible benefit? I stopped biting my nails, and well jeeze, things are just feeling better.

So yeah, I am really glad people are reading this, I hope you enjoy. Feel free to comment, commiserate,, or encourage it is all welcome.

Namaste

Day by Day

I've realized that blogging every day is tough to do. I feel inclined to check in, let you know I am still going strong, but I also find that some days I just don't have much to say about the challenge. I haven't missed any days since I started again. But, I also think I overestimated the amount of thinking I would actually do in class. I really only think about my breathing or  going deeper in the pose, everything else takes a backseat for the duration of the class.

I just finished class and I feel really great. Each class seems to be going faster than the last, I don't know if that is my body getting used to the time, or the fact that I am able to be more patient and present in each pose. 

People are starting to notice changes. In both my physical and emotional appearance. This is good because I am not seeing them. I still feel  as though I am in the breaking down stage. I learn a little more about me every day. This challenge has had the exact effect I aimed for

I want to start getting into the relationship aspect this challenge. I think you will enjoy reading about the chaos that is my love life, but... Na I will save that for when it feels right.

Yoga Mat

My mat. Usually it is a source of pride, a badge I wear to show the world I am going to or coming home from class. I carry this burdensome prop because I am a pro. Well a semi pro yogi. Lets be real, my mat only cost $11 at tj maxx.

Today, this pesky prop, as I will now call it, embarrassed, no ...absolutely mortified me. I brought it into a court room. I had to... I thought I had to. I mean where else could I leave it in a court house in nyc. A stranded yoga mat in the land of "see something, say something" the prospect of that was worse than carrying my burden into the court room. So I did, mid-trial... The court officer looked at me sideways, strolled over and said this, in what I think might have been a flirty/embarrassed for me kind of tone, "why is there a yoga mat in my courtroom?" To which I simply replied, well I am dropping this order to show cause off with the clerk before I head home today. he rolled his eyes and told me to take a seat and wait for the trial/hearing whatever it was to end before approaching.

so after speaking to the clerk, I waited outside to see if I made it into the calendar for tomorrow... The officer came out again to ask who I was and why I had a yoga mat... Seriously, like lawyers can't also have extracurricular lifestyle-altering goals. I should have taken the opportunity to explain my challenge. I explained myself and awaited the judges decision on the order.

So anyway, on to practice. Tonight was day 4, I am now twice as far along as I was last week when I had to pause. and I have surpassed my previous best by twice as much. This was a physically challenging class for me. I don't know if I was under- hydrated or hungry, but I was light headed and quick hearted in a way that I haven't experienced in a very long time. The instructor seemed to pick up on this, or maybe she was having an equally wonky day, but she mentioned during class that today is a full moon day and that her practice today was also slightly unbalanced. By the time I got to floor series I had already sat out two postures and done the final standing pose totally half assed.

I literally prayed my way through floor series. And cherished every savasanna like it was a full night's sleep. I somehow made it through, almost threw up during camel, but made it through.

On my way home now, feeling refreshed and actually kind of laughing to myself about my day. Heh, full moons... Like a were wolf, except instead of getting real hairy and eating people, I just terrorize court rooms. Oh, did I mention that I would like to one day be a judge, oh, well I do. I guess this story will be one I look back on and laugh at my inexperienced young lawyer self.

Namaste

Rise and Shine

I am sitting here, writing this blog even though I'm totally exhausted. I started my challenge again. On Saturday I got up at the crack of 8:45 - ON A SATURDAY, to get dressed and bike over to yoga at 10:00 a.m. It was a really good class. The instructor was new to me. A small, but spunky girl. She was pretty hilarious and made some jokes that I heard in between "pulling is the object of stretching" and could only really laugh at as I came out of the pose. It was a nice experience, to laugh a bit while exerting myself like that.

On the note of waking up early on Saturday to go to Bikram, I will say that I made my first social sacrifice to honor my pact. I was out having a good time on Friday and I made myself go home before midnight so that I would have enough rest and not be discouraged from going to the 10:00 a.m. class.

Sunday was a similarly positive experience. It was by far the most crowded class I've ever taken. But, somehow that allowed for more positive energy. I also bought lights for my bike on my way home! This is good news, well, kind of. Now, I don't have any excuses for sleeping in on those days when I have to get the 7:00 a.m. class in. I also got myself some new tires. This has made for a much more pleasant ride.

And... guess who went to class at 7:00 this morning - that would be me. I even entered myself into the studios current 30-day challenge. I added myself to the board and got to put three stickers up showing that I've done three days already. A bunch of people are already 10 days in since they all started on October 1, but I am not discouraged. And as an added bonus, the instructor today "started" my 2 month membership as of today. That means I got nearly 2 weeks of free bikram. That is nothing to scoff at, considering I went 5 times in those two weeks, that is at least a $100 value. ugh, bikram is expensive... me and my champagne tastes.

Now, after an exhausting day of touring NYC, I am just about ready to conk out here on the bed and get to sleep.

Happy sweats readers :)

The Sun Never Rose

There is a snag in my plan! I don't know why I didn't think this through far enough ahead to recognize this sooner. It is 6:00 a.m. and I am awake and ready to go to class, but I won't leave the house yet. The sun isn't up and it doesn't look like it's coming up anytime soon and I can't ride my bike in the dark. there is a class at 7:00 and it is a 5.2 mile bike ride from my house which should only take about 35 minutes - no big. When I go after work I take the train, so this factor didn't really work its way into my consideration. I was actually really psyched to go in the morning and ride my bike because it is faster, the first time I practiced at this studio I had biked there so I am prepared for that.

ggggeez, this sounds like excuses for not going today.... It's day 3 and I'm already "bailing"... I'm going to go ahead and chalk this experience up to a warm-up. I got two consecutive classes in, which is something I have only done once before and by this time next week I'll have done 4 consecutive classes. This weekend I'm going to buy reflectors and lights for my bike so that I can ride in the morning before the sun comes up. ((For the record, this was not only my decision not to ride this morning. My very wise roommate who knows NY streets agrees that I would be risking my life by riding my bike right now. She is a pretty fearless woman and if that thought scared her, then that is enough of a reason for me to put this goal on hold until it doesn't actually put my life in peril.))

Second Class

Day 2: ** today was my actual second day of the challenge. I had posts stockpiled so that there would be a couple to read at once.**

So, today was not an easy day for me to go. All morning and most of the day I was psyched for this class. Wishing the day away, hoping for class. About an hour before class I received some news, not bad, not good, but enough to make me think I might not want to do this.

That is a tough thing to come against when you have made a decision to not let anything get in the way of a personal challenge. So, I went to class.

Ok, so, the 26 postures are getting easier for me. It is a practice and I'm far from perfect, but I feel as though I am good at this. I feel as though I am a strong bikram student. I get complimented on my form which inspires me to try harder. Today, in class I tried to take mental note of my physical form in every moment. I found that helpful in getting past my initial hesitation tonight.

Really, this blog should be about my post bikram experience tonight. The sweat was not yet washed off when I had my first negative emotion. I generally feel a certain comradery with my fellow yogi's especially post workout. It was slightly different tonight though, and all the negativity was focused toward one girl in particular, who happened to be gross, by the way. I can't help but wonder if even though I was able to put aside my source of anxiety for 90 minutes and focus on me, focus on my poses, and push myself if the stress will just be waiting for me on the other end.

I am doing this challenge in large part to learn how to cope with negative emotions. THey don't come often, but when they do, they hit me like a rock. While continuing to improve my yoga practice, I'm thinking I must also take steps to improve myeslf outside of the studio.

There will be more happy posts, but I'm glad this one has a slightly sadder tone because that was my goal. To have an accurate account of the whole experience. It is a WHOLE experience.

First Class

Today was the first day of my challenge. It didn't feel like a challenge. The studio I am doing this at is different from the one I started with. I haven't decided yet if I prefer it. It seems almost easier here, less hot. It also seems friendlier, and the studio reminds me of summer camp. Finally, there are also way more men in this class, then there ever are at my starter studio. This could present a problem - you see 99% of the reason I'm even doing this challenge is to detox from men.

So, for me, tonight was an easy class. A really good class actually. I usually find that I have to take a break at least once during standing series and I usually do that during Triangle - because , well, I hate triangle even though I know it's the "best" for me. Who can believe those instructors anyway? So, today, I just decided not to take a break. They say if you can you must and you can't you must try. Turns out that when you try you actually do it.

No real emotions came up. And I'm feeling really tired now. So, I'm gonna go let half tortoise work its magic and get myself into bed.

Sweat on friends.

10/2/11 - Deciding when to start the challenge.

Today is Sunday, October 2 and I really want to start my 30 day challenge. Ok, so, maybe that isn't totally true. But, like not because I don't want to start it, more because I am dreading making this kind of a committment. I don't know if I can do this and I don't want to fail at it. It is surmountable, I have done harder things and I will do this.

The Beginning

I started doing bikram one day because I had an itch. I'd been hearing about it for years and countless friends had told me that I would love it. Well, as it is, I had a vacation day back in early May, the beginning of what would be the muggiest summer I've experienced in NYC. That memorial day, with nothing else to do and a bug up my butt, I walked into the bikram studio warily, joked with the front desk woman about my novice status - yes, I work out, yes I run and I spin and I've done yoga before. No, I've never done bikram - and suited up to sweat.

Well, after the class, I was cajoled into getting the first month package. I really didn't want it. I felt sick. I felt nauseous and oh my god was I a sweaty mess. I would soon learn that the more hydrated you are the more you sweat, so that day was nothing.

Great, now I had an unlimited month. Great. What had I done? All I knew was I was going to get my money's worth, by golly.

The next day I bought a mat, and after work I went back. Cheap -not quite commited to yoga - mat in hand I set up in the room, changed into my still slightly damp shorts from the day before and psyched myself up for another 90 minutes in the 105 degree/40% humidity room. The second day was not better.

I skipped a day, but I went back that Thursday. My third class was amazing. I felt strong, I felt limber and I felt skinny. I had a really great third class and from that day on I was hooked.

In my first month doing bikram I noticed changes in my body and my mind. Aside from the vanity of actually being leaner and losing inches on my waist and hips, I even grew a half an inch - I swear it-- and I'm not short to start with, well aside from that, I felt better. I was happier and more confident. Please understand, I have always had a sunny disposition, but like anyone I got down once in awhile, this almost completely irradicated that.

I have now been practicing bikram yoga for 5 months. It is with an open mind and some hesitation that I set out on this 30 day challenge. I am both looking forward to this and dreading it. Let's see what happens.