breathe through the stress

I've been MIA on this here blog for a hot minute. Ha, see what I did there, hot... minute.

And, tonight while in class I got to thinking. I thought about how when I was doing my 30 day challenge, so much of the benefit that I took away from the challenge was in the blog reflection after the class.

So, today in class, the instructor said something that struck me. He's said this before, because, well, he always has the same anecdotes, but it struck me differently today. When the standing series is over and we go into our first savasana, he always tells the class that this is the time for us to listen to our bodies and breath through the fleeing feeling. You know that uneasiness you get, the crazy upset feeling, this is when you teach yourself to breathe through it.

And, you know, it's true. If I'm willing to stop and think about the lessons I'm learning in yoga and I am willing to try to apply it to my life then the rest of the relationships in my life will be better for it.

Lately, I've not been dealing with unexpected delays or stresses. I've been quick to flip a switch and that isn't fair to the people who spend time with me. I'm going to start applying yoga to my life and breathe through that feeling you get in your stomach, when something just isn't right.

I'm still sweatin

So guys, it occurred to me, just now, yeah, right this moment, that I haven't been updating you on the ever so juicy details of my bikram life.

Last time I posted, I believe I told you all just how sad I was feeling. Well, hopefully, you'll all be very glad to know that I am past that. Like I had sort of expected, the sadness eventually just ended. So, that is what I wanted to tell you.

But, also, I was thinking about my yoga practice today. I took a class with a new teach last night, which I had all but written off as now that I finally have a home studio. There is a certain excitement I get when I have a new teacher. I like to tell myself it's because a new teacher means a new personality and possibly a new bit of dialogue or anecdote. But, if I'm being totally honest, I think it is also because I get a chance to show off. I don't have the best practice, but when I feel like I'm impressing a new teacher I really like to show them that I'm a hard worker.

So, last night my "standing separate leg stretching" was so good! I was so close to finally touching my head to the ground. I also just watched a video that I found online talking about all the benefits of this posture and it made me even more excited about the fact that I put so much effort into it. I get so excited when I hear about the benefits each posture gives my body. It is a real boost to my practice, and it can be to yours too!

Disappearing Act

Hello my darling readers. I appreciate your attention, I do. I only wish that I could provide you with as much entertainment as you truly deserve. 

I mentioned recently that I might start a new challenge. I went 7 days in a row, and then stopped. I am back in the studio but can't find the motivation to stay in the studio. I'm sad. I'm really sad lately and part of me thinks that yoga will help, while another part of me thinks that yoga will just distract me from the feeling and once I stop I'll be worse for the wear.

I'm sad because I'm single again... well, I'm not sad because I'm single. I don't have a problem with being unattached. I'm sad because the person I'm no longer with was a really great person. He was the kind of person I wanted to be in a relationship with. I got into yoga to be happier, to love me so much that I wouldn't need a relationship to feel loved and it worked. And then this relationship just happened, and this relationship worked, and it could have worked for so many different reasons, but I really thought it was because I dedicated myself to finding this lasting and fulfilling relationship. So, now that we broke up and that relationship didn't work, it just kind of feels like maybe I failed. So, I'm sad. And, I'm having a really hard time getting past the sad. 

When I'm in the studio, I feel that fine, but that is only 90 minutes a day. And it feels like something is missing the rest of the time. 

Finding Balance

I've been in the yoga studio a lot lately. But, if you're reading this, then, you know that. So, I'm sorry for boring you with the trivial opener.

Anyway, I've been noticing that the class feels easier for me lately. I don't know what is different, maybe I've hit a stride, maybe a plateau. I can't say. I can say that even in the relative "ease" of these classes, I'm noticing that I feel very off balance. I used to love my standing bow pulling pose, but I haven't been able to stay straight on that position for more than a couple seconds in any of these classes I'm going to. I'm noticing that in eagle pose I'm leaning to the side and even in the savasana's I constantly feel like I'm laying on a slant. I'm not laying on a slant, that is proposterous, the floor is definitely not slanted... so what is it?

I'll tell you what I think it is; perhaps my inability to find balance in the class is representative of my inability to focus outside the studio. I've been struggling with that over the last week or two and I'm not sure how to take control of it. I truly believe that it starts in the studio, so at least I'm doing that.

I don't have the answers today. I'm expecting enlightenment soon. Check back with me later.

Feels Like Home

I never really put much thought into it before, because, I can't imagine my life today without yoga, but I wonder if I had started my journey with bikram in a different studio if I would love it as much as I do today. I set out about a month and a half ago to complete a "new challenge." I didn't complete it, and I think that this was due in large part to the lack of community I felt in the studio I was going to. Honestly, it also had to do with a lack of commitment to the challenge. I guess, if I went to bikram classes for the sole purpose of burning calories or for the purpose of trying to impress other people, then I would be fine in that studio. The fact is,  I don't do it for either of those reasons. I do it because I appreciate the meditation, I appreciate the diligence, and I appreciate the potential for growth in my practice and in the way I perceive everything.

With that, I've decided that I'm no longer going to search for a deal. The studio I started at feels good to me. The people are my people. That is enough. Also, it is almost my year anniversary with bikram yoga. I started over memorial day weekend last year and as I write this, that is approximately a month from now. Does that feel like a challenge to you? Because it feels like one to me? I don't know. I'm chewing on it for now. I started going to classes on Monday. I went on Tuesday too, and I intend to go this afternoon. 3 days down. Maybe I'll just keep going. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Things I don't get

Ok, ok, I know that yoga is supposed to be about inner peace and removing judgment and mediation and all that good for your soul kind of stuff. But, sometimes things happen in a class that I just don't get.

There is something about the new studio I'm at. I've gone to two morning classes, and both have an oddly high ratio of old people in it. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that these geriatrics are partaking in Bikram. I hope that I am still doing it when I'm 100 too. But, I have noticed that when you get old, you also get stubborn. The G-team (a name I think I will begin to call them) doesn't listen to the instructions from the teacher. They don't adjust postures that they are doing incorrectly. They don't wear the right clothes... for the love of god, one woman was wearing a sauna suit IN A BIKRAM YOGA CLASS! The studio is 105 freaking degrees and at least 40% humidity - why on earth are you wearing a sauna suit!?

Anyway this G-team is full of stubborn old ladies who wear sauna suits and pants to class. So they can't see their knees and they can't straighten their legs, and when the instructor tells them to lock their knee they can't see if they are locking it, and they don't care. They are going to kick out whether or not their standing leg is locked and they are going to get all huffy puffy when they are corrected. The G-team ruins my yoga vibe. Bad energy all up in that studio. I miss Williamsburg... I kind of can't wait for this challenge to be over so I can go back to the studio that feels like summer camp. But, gosh darn it if I don't get my money's worth in this intro month!

well, another class down...

Happy Sweats! and try not to let that G-team ruin your vibe.

don't look at her, look at you!

I was in a class last night that I really enjoyed. It was a stupid kind of crowded, but the teacher had a great attitude and made everyone feel really welcome in the class. He was actually one of the best teachers I have had in awhile.

With bikram, you start to fall into a pattern. You do poses at a level that is comfortable for you, which isn't the point. The point is to push yourself out of your comfort level. The point is to experience something new in your body and your ability. I think the yoga teacher I had last night really did that. His focus was really on core strength, and let me tell you, I feel it today! From the very first pranayama breathing exercise to the very last one, I can think of at least one or two corrections I made in each pose. It should be noted, that where I was standing, I couldn't actually see myself in any of the poses, so every adjustment I made was based on feeling my body and listening to my body.

At one point he was making a correction in one person's pose and I snuck a look to see what he was talking about. He saw that, and told me "don't look at her, look at you." It's an important lesson, in the yoga studio and in life. You can't improve yourself if you're too busy watching other people correct their problems.

And, there-in-lies the lesson for today.

Happy Sweats!

dinner for champions

No, I didn't go to yoga tonight... yes, I did come home and eat a bunch of ice cream and then some potato chips (baked, obviously) and then a bowl of cheerios with a banana. I ate the cheerios and the banana because contrary to popular belief, I do not think that potato chips count as a fruit/vegetable. I mean unless you ask the FDA - didn't they say that pizza is a vegetable or something?

Anyway, as you can tell, my eating habits don't get better just because I'm doing a challenge. I mean, maybe they do get a little better. I made healthy salads for lunch two days this week and have been eating a lot of tuna for the protein and I have been drinking so much water and fresh juices. I will say, I'm not a proponent of changing my eating habits when I'm on a challenge. It's really important to me to keep eating things I want or crave, so that when I finish the challenge, it's not like my body has forgotten how to process those less than godly foods. Plus, I also figure that changing my diet skews the results and means that if I do lose any weight on the challenge, it will likely come right back on when I'm done.

So, that is what I think about that. Yoga early in the morning. And, that is the plan.

go, get your sweat on

She with the biggest bush...

I had a moment tonight, after class, when I was in the locker room, trying with all my might not stare at the woman with the bush. I laughed out loud a little at the thought I had, that it is inevitable that the woman who is gratuitously naked will always have the biggest bush. It's as if not shaving... ever... has given this woman some sort of complete body security. "Look everyone, look upon me as I stand here unnecessarily naked for like 20 minutes while I go through my routine as if I'm in the privacy of my own bedroom." Deal with it bitches.

There are also the girls who are completely the opposite of this woman, who I find equally as annoying, if not much less offensive. There is really no need for you to take up a bathroom stall while you change into or out of your yoga clothes. Sometimes people actually need to use the seat for something other than pulling up their pants over their sweaty legs. 

So, listen up ladies, a little bit of locker room etiquette, if you will. It is totally ok to be naked at some point. It is expected and will go unnoticed. Please do not go to great lengths to hide your naked body, as it tends to only draw more attention to you... and please, for the love of all that is holy, please put a towel around your waist while you lotion up your legs and q-tip your ears. 

back in the studio

I started a new challenge. Modified slightly, to keep my schedule open. 5 days a week for 30 days. So, what? A "24-day challenge/ 30-day commitment"

I took some time away from the bikrim studio. More as a practical matter, had some studying to do, than as a matter of avoiding the sweat. I MISSED the sweat. Especially in the chilly (note, not cold) NYC winter. Anyway Spring is in the air and a bathing suit is just around the corner, so time to get back in the studio, get my sweat on and firm up these soft bits.

So, I have some good news my dear friends and readers - I feel as though my original 30-day challenge was the ultimate success. I couldn't have known while I was doing it that my goals would be achieved, but they absolutely were. I have been cryptic up til now, because this is online and I'm never positive about who is reading. But, I guess if you're back and reading this, then you can know because you've proven your commitment. I did the challenge because I was sick of crappy relationships and I figured that the root of all my failed relationships with different people in NYC might be (brace yourselves), it might be,  in some small part, some tiny, minuscule kind of way...   because of me. I like to think that before the challenge it was because I allowed myself to get into relationships which I could tell were fatally flawed from the beginning. I did that because, in my mind,  to be in a crappy relationship was better than to be single. So, the yoga challenge allowed me the opportunity to be in a truly fulfilling relationship, that couldn't end, because it was with me.

So, friends, that is why this challenge is slightly different. This one is not every day because I met someone. Someone who is as good as being in a relationship with myself, but better because it's not alone. And, I need my weekends free :: wink, wink ::

So, I'm back, and I'll be blogging. And, oh, by the way, today was day 2. It's a new studio which is taking some getting used to, but I'll give you the deets in a later episode.

Happy Sweats!

Dedicate Your Pose

Oh, hey there sweaty readers. How's your 2012 going? Mine, well it ain't so bad. I tell ya, things are just lovely these days. The weather is not at all unbearable and work has slowed down enough that I can finally write a blog post.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my 30-day challenge, and I've been suggesting that everyone I know take on their own challenge - whether it be bikram, running or any other type of exercise. I'm convinced that taking 30 days to focus on exercise and making that a priority, to take time for yourself is an incredibly effective form of  getting your priorities straight. I'm also convinced that it is not just good for physical health, but mental health too.

Today, in class, when we got to floor bow pose, the instructor reminded us to dedicate this pose to whatever it was that we dedicated today's practice to. It is something that I have heard in classes before, and I really appreciate when the instructor reminds us to do that. It is a perfect opportunity to stop and consider what it is that you want to change or just encourage in your life. I like to dedicate my practice to love. Not necessarily romantic love, but just the act of loving everything and everyone. It's a good reminder for me to love myself first, which seems to feed directly into thoughts of loving all the other people in my life. Family, friends, lovers and so on.

I came from class feeling great and as soon as I got on the train - where it's usually a hellish commute for the 4 blocks - and I am always bogged down with bags and a yoga mat and in the winter a huge jacket... anyway, I  was pleasantly surprised to see that the train was relatively empty and that getting on it was in no way a hassel at all.

Well, I'm just going to go ahead and take this loving feeling with me all over the place today.

If your palms are facing up...

Happy New Year fellow Yogi's and Non-Yogi's alike. I hope 2012 is treating you all well. I'm good here. I mean, I'd prefer to be at yoga than in the office, but, I can't afford yoga if I don't come to the office --- so, there ya go. 

I went to my final class of 2011 on Saturday. It felt really good to go on December 31 because I feel like the best thing I've ever done for myself was start going to Yoga in the year 2011. It was a "detox to retox" class and the mood was just generally happy. I actually had a really good class. Was super focused and light-hearted. At one point in the class, I even broke out into a sort of uncontrollable fit of laughter. It was during the floor series and we were doing half locust or whatever you call it, the one where you lay on your arms and lift your legs. Anyway, there were a couple of first-timers in the class so the instructor says, make sure your palms are on the floor. If your hands are up, you're enjoying this posture too much. ha.. hah. ha. 

If you've seen the posture or done it, you know that if your hands are facing up, you're basically grabbing your crotch. So, it took me a second to register the joke, but when I did, I couldn't stop giggling. I don't actually know how many other people picked up on my little giggle fit, or how many other's even caught the joke. 

After class, I noticed that the studio I practiced at this day was selling yogabella apparel and this is just about the best news yet. I've literally run every kind of search I could on this brand to find any retailers in the city and was just lucky enough to stumble upon them this day!

I can't wait to get back into the studio this year. Probably tomorrow morning!

My Favorite Place

There is something about the bikram studio. It's my favorite place. I feel like every minute spent in the studio is a minute spent doing something I love and something that is good for me. I go to it happily and I leave it happier than I entered. Even when the time in between is miserable (which it is sometimes).

My new mat and towel are perfect in class! Perfect! Thanks Mom.

not bikram

So, my two-month membership ended like two Sundays ago. So, I haven't been to a bikram class in that long. And, well, honestly I haven't worked out since then either - so unlike me. I've been making excuses, work, cold weather, stuffy sinuses make me drowsy... blah blah blah. I don't like when I allow myself to make excuses from working out. I feel very strongly about being active in some way at least 4 times a week. Aside from the fact that I feel physically better, I also tend to feel less sickly when active and more happy. I can tell you that it is a universal side effect of working out too - my parents recently started going on 2 mile walks every evening. They live on the other side of the country and so I only see them 3 or 4 times a year. The difference between how they look and feel now versus last time I saw them is HUGE. They have both lost over 30 pounds and they just seem sincerely happier. If you read this and you're feeling like you don't want to go for that run or that walk or to yoga - know this - the hardest part is putting on your shoes. 

I'm getting long-winded here. I'm sorry. Anyway, after two weeks of making excuses I finally got myself out of bed and went to a yoga class this morning. It wasn't Bikram, but it's ok. I got a new yoga mat for the holidays and I was itching to use it! The studio that is in my neighborhood does donation-based classes every morning - this is awesome for someone like me, who is feeling the burn of holiday shopping, continuing education courses, bar exam tutoring and a social life. (on that note, I also noticed that a Bikram studio in the city also has a donation-based class once a week, which makes me pretty excited). So, here's what I've decided. I don't like vinyasa yoga as much as I like Bikram. I know, I know, I said in my last entry that I wanted to learn inversions and other forms of yoga, so I will keep up with it, but I just don't like it as much. I feel sore already. 

It's a very different work out. Oddly, it's more physical and less mental. I feel like with Bikram because it is the same postures every class, you are obviously doing great things for your body, but getting through the class becomes a mental challenge as your body instinctively knows what to do. This class was hard for me. I was confused. People were going into crow before they went into their vinyasa flows (show offs)... and at one point the teacher complimented another person's headstand - it must have happened behind me because I didn't see it - but I am not exactly sure when the class attempted head stands... we didn't. It's just not very disciplined and that is weird for the Bikram student in me. I'll give it more chances. There is no doubt in my mind that it is a legit work out covering strength and stretching if not cardio. 

I'll keep you guys posted. Also, if you know of any studios with donation-based classes, please share! I would love the tips as I am sure some of the followers would too. 

Reflecting

I think one of the most important things I learned over my challenge was to prioritize my life. I made time to eat well, sleep well, and work smart. I made time for myself and made sure to still enjoy time with friends. Making time for yoga became a bit of a chore, but when I didn't go, I missed it.

My 2 month membership is over now. I feel kind of empty without it, but there are other things I must devote my time to, at least through March. I will probably reward myself with a challenge in the month of March. In the meantime I think I will go to occasional regular yoga class. I'm really interested in learning inversions and building the upper body strength necessary to do them.

I guess, the long and the short of it, is that just because I'm done with my yoga challenge, I hope to keep going back on these blogs and remembering the lessons I've learned. Remember the accomplishments and use them constantly.

Setting the Tone for the Day

Yesterday, I woke up at 5:15, brushed my teeth, looked at myself in the mirror and thought... I don't want to go this morning. Then in a further attempt to justify missing the morning class, I told myself that since dodgeball (yes, I play dodgeball - you didn't know this about me?) is so late, I'd have too much time between work and play. So, I'd go to yoga after work. Perfect. Decision made and justified.

Anyway, I went back to sleep and woke up in time for work. I got to the train with time to spare, things are lookin good. And, wouldn't you know it, there was a sick passenger on the train in front of mine. We were stuck in the tunnel, but not for too long. I was early/on time. No problemo.

After work I headed downtown to get to class. I usually leave work at 5:45 for a 6:30 class, and this leaves me way more than enough time to get dressed and find a primo spot. At the transfer to the L train (oooo, damn you L train), due to an "earlier incident, trains were running slowly." Well, the trains weren't actually running slowly, they were running like shit. Each one was literally filled to the brim. People were packed in so tightly that it didn't matter if you held onto something or not, you couldn't move/fall down if you tried. I had to let 3 trains pass just before I was close enough to the front of the masses to be pushed onto the train - you know, instead of boarding it like a human being....

I rushed to the studio from the train, only to find a locked door with a full class of people enjoying pranyama breathing. well, ok, so yoga wasn't meant to be a part of my day yesterday.

I did however play my best game ever at dodgeball! It was epic. I caught the ball twice and I popped the ball up once for another one of my teammates to catch it. Our team went 3 and 1 and we felt good about it.

So, I went to yoga this morning. And that has set the tone for this day.

Am I dreaming?

Saturday's yoga class was unlike any other I've ever had. I came out of feeling as though I had slept through the whole class. I didn't, of course. In fact, I did more of the poses this time than I did in my last class before my vacation. In spite of the fact that I hadn't been to class in over a week, I was remarkably flexible and was reaching my toes like it aint no thang.

I came out of the class feeling as though I had just taken the most restorative nap ever. And, in spite of having a couple of beers with friends after class, I was wide awake when I got home.

looking forward to class tonight. Going to go drink up some coffee now though, the dream-state class was interesting, but I much prefer the feeling of being completely aware.

Vacation

I miss yoga. Like, in my bones kind of miss it. When I was in the thick of the challenge, I had periods and thoughts of frustration. Like I needed to be out of this commitment, but now that I am, I want back in. I've been back twice since the challenge was over, but then I went on vacation to the Bahamas. For what it's worth, this was the first time in my life I felt no doubts about going around in a bikini. Whether it is that I am actually thinner or that going half naked in a class 30 days in a row has given me a distorted sense of confidence I can't be sure. Either way, I'll take it.

I plan to go Friday morning and then again a couple times this weekend, to really maximize my time in the studio before I head back to California for Thanksgiving. I may even check out a Cali studio, I'm sure someone I know will want to get in on that with me the day after Thanksgiving (rumor has it, the studio smells something ripe the day after Thanksgiving).

Mission: Completed

I am not planning on going to yoga this weekend. I had a great class yesterday and I want to stop there. I also feel like even though it is only today and tomorrow left in the challenge, I don't need it anymore.

The stickers on the board are gone. The ones that were up for the studio's 30-day challenge. It's weird, but they've been gone since Wednesday and it made kind of a big deal to me. I liked having that moment at the end of class to see my progress and everyone else's.

I plan on blogging more and maybe coming to some sort of realization about how it is that things have changed. I've been giving hints over the course of these posts. But, I really am in a much better place today than I was 30 days ago.

I have a renewed confidence in myself and my abilities. I still may be going to class this afternoon. I haven't totally decided yet. I really need to go food shopping and I really want to get a manicure. So, I may do these things instead, and since this is my weekend. I think that would be a better way to spend my time.

Going Strong

Hey, Yo, How's it goin? Oh, me? Well, I'm good, great, fantastic actually. I realized today is Thursday on my walk to work and that I am nearly complete with my challenge. My last post was a couple of days ago, and I'm sorry I've been so distant. It's nothing personal, I assure you. I've just been distracted, you know how it is, reading Breaking Dawn, going to dodgeball, and fitting yoga/food/sleep/shower/work into a daily routine it's a lot to do. Anyway, I've had three good classes this week and where I was so concerned on Sunday that I had so many more days left in this challenge, I'm personally shocked at how close to done I am now.

I will definitely be celebrating the end of the challenge by not going for a couple days in a row. But, I am also kind of sad that this month is coming to an end. I set out to learn about myself and my needs and I think I have done that. I've become stronger physically but I also think I've become more adept in other aspects of my life. I've taken my health by the reigns and set up doctors and dentist appointments. I've planned my trip to the Bahamas. Yeah, I'm excited for that. I set myself up to take the pesky CA bar exam my family has been begging me to do for 3 years. I also finally took my laundry in this morning.

My perspective has changed for the better.  I hope to maintain a positive approach and apply all of these small lessons I've learned throughout this challenge into my life for the rest of this year and into the new year.