Disappearing Act

Hello my darling readers. I appreciate your attention, I do. I only wish that I could provide you with as much entertainment as you truly deserve. 

I mentioned recently that I might start a new challenge. I went 7 days in a row, and then stopped. I am back in the studio but can't find the motivation to stay in the studio. I'm sad. I'm really sad lately and part of me thinks that yoga will help, while another part of me thinks that yoga will just distract me from the feeling and once I stop I'll be worse for the wear.

I'm sad because I'm single again... well, I'm not sad because I'm single. I don't have a problem with being unattached. I'm sad because the person I'm no longer with was a really great person. He was the kind of person I wanted to be in a relationship with. I got into yoga to be happier, to love me so much that I wouldn't need a relationship to feel loved and it worked. And then this relationship just happened, and this relationship worked, and it could have worked for so many different reasons, but I really thought it was because I dedicated myself to finding this lasting and fulfilling relationship. So, now that we broke up and that relationship didn't work, it just kind of feels like maybe I failed. So, I'm sad. And, I'm having a really hard time getting past the sad. 

When I'm in the studio, I feel that fine, but that is only 90 minutes a day. And it feels like something is missing the rest of the time. 

Finding Balance

I've been in the yoga studio a lot lately. But, if you're reading this, then, you know that. So, I'm sorry for boring you with the trivial opener.

Anyway, I've been noticing that the class feels easier for me lately. I don't know what is different, maybe I've hit a stride, maybe a plateau. I can't say. I can say that even in the relative "ease" of these classes, I'm noticing that I feel very off balance. I used to love my standing bow pulling pose, but I haven't been able to stay straight on that position for more than a couple seconds in any of these classes I'm going to. I'm noticing that in eagle pose I'm leaning to the side and even in the savasana's I constantly feel like I'm laying on a slant. I'm not laying on a slant, that is proposterous, the floor is definitely not slanted... so what is it?

I'll tell you what I think it is; perhaps my inability to find balance in the class is representative of my inability to focus outside the studio. I've been struggling with that over the last week or two and I'm not sure how to take control of it. I truly believe that it starts in the studio, so at least I'm doing that.

I don't have the answers today. I'm expecting enlightenment soon. Check back with me later.

Feels Like Home

I never really put much thought into it before, because, I can't imagine my life today without yoga, but I wonder if I had started my journey with bikram in a different studio if I would love it as much as I do today. I set out about a month and a half ago to complete a "new challenge." I didn't complete it, and I think that this was due in large part to the lack of community I felt in the studio I was going to. Honestly, it also had to do with a lack of commitment to the challenge. I guess, if I went to bikram classes for the sole purpose of burning calories or for the purpose of trying to impress other people, then I would be fine in that studio. The fact is,  I don't do it for either of those reasons. I do it because I appreciate the meditation, I appreciate the diligence, and I appreciate the potential for growth in my practice and in the way I perceive everything.

With that, I've decided that I'm no longer going to search for a deal. The studio I started at feels good to me. The people are my people. That is enough. Also, it is almost my year anniversary with bikram yoga. I started over memorial day weekend last year and as I write this, that is approximately a month from now. Does that feel like a challenge to you? Because it feels like one to me? I don't know. I'm chewing on it for now. I started going to classes on Monday. I went on Tuesday too, and I intend to go this afternoon. 3 days down. Maybe I'll just keep going. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Things I don't get

Ok, ok, I know that yoga is supposed to be about inner peace and removing judgment and mediation and all that good for your soul kind of stuff. But, sometimes things happen in a class that I just don't get.

There is something about the new studio I'm at. I've gone to two morning classes, and both have an oddly high ratio of old people in it. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that these geriatrics are partaking in Bikram. I hope that I am still doing it when I'm 100 too. But, I have noticed that when you get old, you also get stubborn. The G-team (a name I think I will begin to call them) doesn't listen to the instructions from the teacher. They don't adjust postures that they are doing incorrectly. They don't wear the right clothes... for the love of god, one woman was wearing a sauna suit IN A BIKRAM YOGA CLASS! The studio is 105 freaking degrees and at least 40% humidity - why on earth are you wearing a sauna suit!?

Anyway this G-team is full of stubborn old ladies who wear sauna suits and pants to class. So they can't see their knees and they can't straighten their legs, and when the instructor tells them to lock their knee they can't see if they are locking it, and they don't care. They are going to kick out whether or not their standing leg is locked and they are going to get all huffy puffy when they are corrected. The G-team ruins my yoga vibe. Bad energy all up in that studio. I miss Williamsburg... I kind of can't wait for this challenge to be over so I can go back to the studio that feels like summer camp. But, gosh darn it if I don't get my money's worth in this intro month!

well, another class down...

Happy Sweats! and try not to let that G-team ruin your vibe.

don't look at her, look at you!

I was in a class last night that I really enjoyed. It was a stupid kind of crowded, but the teacher had a great attitude and made everyone feel really welcome in the class. He was actually one of the best teachers I have had in awhile.

With bikram, you start to fall into a pattern. You do poses at a level that is comfortable for you, which isn't the point. The point is to push yourself out of your comfort level. The point is to experience something new in your body and your ability. I think the yoga teacher I had last night really did that. His focus was really on core strength, and let me tell you, I feel it today! From the very first pranayama breathing exercise to the very last one, I can think of at least one or two corrections I made in each pose. It should be noted, that where I was standing, I couldn't actually see myself in any of the poses, so every adjustment I made was based on feeling my body and listening to my body.

At one point he was making a correction in one person's pose and I snuck a look to see what he was talking about. He saw that, and told me "don't look at her, look at you." It's an important lesson, in the yoga studio and in life. You can't improve yourself if you're too busy watching other people correct their problems.

And, there-in-lies the lesson for today.

Happy Sweats!

dinner for champions

No, I didn't go to yoga tonight... yes, I did come home and eat a bunch of ice cream and then some potato chips (baked, obviously) and then a bowl of cheerios with a banana. I ate the cheerios and the banana because contrary to popular belief, I do not think that potato chips count as a fruit/vegetable. I mean unless you ask the FDA - didn't they say that pizza is a vegetable or something?

Anyway, as you can tell, my eating habits don't get better just because I'm doing a challenge. I mean, maybe they do get a little better. I made healthy salads for lunch two days this week and have been eating a lot of tuna for the protein and I have been drinking so much water and fresh juices. I will say, I'm not a proponent of changing my eating habits when I'm on a challenge. It's really important to me to keep eating things I want or crave, so that when I finish the challenge, it's not like my body has forgotten how to process those less than godly foods. Plus, I also figure that changing my diet skews the results and means that if I do lose any weight on the challenge, it will likely come right back on when I'm done.

So, that is what I think about that. Yoga early in the morning. And, that is the plan.

go, get your sweat on

She with the biggest bush...

I had a moment tonight, after class, when I was in the locker room, trying with all my might not stare at the woman with the bush. I laughed out loud a little at the thought I had, that it is inevitable that the woman who is gratuitously naked will always have the biggest bush. It's as if not shaving... ever... has given this woman some sort of complete body security. "Look everyone, look upon me as I stand here unnecessarily naked for like 20 minutes while I go through my routine as if I'm in the privacy of my own bedroom." Deal with it bitches.

There are also the girls who are completely the opposite of this woman, who I find equally as annoying, if not much less offensive. There is really no need for you to take up a bathroom stall while you change into or out of your yoga clothes. Sometimes people actually need to use the seat for something other than pulling up their pants over their sweaty legs. 

So, listen up ladies, a little bit of locker room etiquette, if you will. It is totally ok to be naked at some point. It is expected and will go unnoticed. Please do not go to great lengths to hide your naked body, as it tends to only draw more attention to you... and please, for the love of all that is holy, please put a towel around your waist while you lotion up your legs and q-tip your ears.